I'm learning a lot from The Virus:
I’m learning that Stand-Up is tough without an audience.
My family is a rough crowd.
My son is a heckler.
I didn't sacrifice my life, for a 3 year old
to call me a stupid pootie.
Now that I'm a parent, I get child abuse.
My son is half my size, and he abuses me.
I can't discipline someone who can pick me up!
My girlfriend asked if he was in Kindergarten.
You were there when we was born... He's 3...
Unless, it's Disneyland...
My son is oblivious.
He wants to go to the playground.
How do I explain to a toddler. Oprah says:
"The playground is the breeding ground for bacteria."
Corona Virus from the Wuhan fish market that infested the boot shape country of Italy, contaminated a cruise ship, 400 people tested +, flew home, plagued the nation, shut down the economy,
and now we're in a quarantine.
My husband’s taking it a lot harder than me…
He's the Provider.
I'm the Beneficiary.
He’s playing Call of Duty ‘til 4am.
I’m eating $90 worth of cannabis chocolate a week.
I'm not sure how long this is going to last...
Every morning I find wrappers in the garbage
of the all the good Armageddon candy
Chewy Bars…Kit Kats… Welch’s fruit snacks. . .
I’m binge watching Love is Blind.
He’s binge-eating the Armageddon stash!
I got a phone call from the Mayor saying that the quarantine is going to last until April 19th…
I just hope our marriage lasts until April 19th.