I love God.
I've always believed in God.
Except that one time at the University of Utah I was an atheist.
I was woke AF! Reading all those books. You cain't tell me nothin'!
I grew up "Catholic". My mom's Italian and by virtue "I'm Catholic". My family went to church every Christmas and Easter, and I prayed "Hail Mary" and "Bless Us Our Lord" every day. As a child, I didn't really know, but I believed and blew kisses to God.
I did always wonder: Was God, Jesus? Was Jesus, God?
The people who taught me religion, my parents, argued every day. They were not Christlike. They were not peaceful. I grew up in a contentious home with dishes thrown across the room and belt whippings from a black man, like, nigga, why are you whippin' me?! Money and kids seemed to be the source of my parent's contention. My mom's company got bought out, merged, and they offered her a job in Utah. It was there we were introduced to the Mormon religion.
Mormons are quirky.
On my first day of school in Utah, I was told I was going to hell because I wasn't a Mormon. It's all I needed to hate them. I thought they were judgemental people. I wanted nothing to do with the Mormon religion.
& rebelled in every way.
I did drugs, I dated, and I fornicated. I wanted to experience life without taking anyone's word for it. Especially, people who "claim" to have "never tried it". I wanted to experience things for myself, and I didn't want to be judged in the process.
I made my own religion:
Be a decent human.
I was dating boys I did not want to be dating. Engaging in relationships that made me sick. Ingesting substances that made me sick. Self-sabotaging and making myself sick.
College (for me) was the breeding ground for sin. I started college all open and light, and left with a lot of fucked up energy. I made a lot of poor choices, and drifted away from God.
During this time, my dad bribed me $500 to get baptized into the Catholic Church. I was broke AF and could have used the money, but shocked to learn: “I’m not baptized?” I told my dad: “No I will not join the church of the Pedofile.”
& He said:
"Bitch Need Jesus!"
He was right.
I did need Jesus,
but I had no idea who or what?
I had no morals. No light. No money.
I was making choices I did not want to be making. Digging myself into a pit. Broke AF. Guilty, repeating my guilty conscience.
Be a decent human?!#%!?
What did that mean?
On my own,
I made a mess of my life.
I didn't feel good about any of my choices.
In 2011, I woke up morning after morning and I just wanted to die. I had no energy. No excitement. Chaos. Confusion. Sadness. Low energy. Tremendous pain. Zero desire.
What happened to that time I used to blow kisses to God? What happened to God?!
When's the last time I said a prayer and attempted to consciously connect with God my Creator?
It’s been a long time.
I haven't mentioned God.
I haven't thought of God.
No one I know is living a life with God.
In the world I live in, no one mentions God.
Disconnecting with God was a gradual process from the moment I lost my virginity to every worldly indulgent choice I made after. The moment I disconnected with God was the moment I lost my virginity. What was intended to be a curious exploration was lost too casually, and the instant it happened, the world grew very dark and quiet around me.
I unconsciously severed my connection with God.
God was always there. It was I who turned my back on God.
Without God, I made a mess of my life.
Lord, I need a divine intervention.
Lord! I need a divine intervention!
Lord! I need a divine intervention!
I dug a pit with a stiff neck and a hard heart. It was like my own little pit of Hell. My choices attracted this darkness into my life! The only thing that could lift me out of this pit was the light hand of God.
I met a Mormon named Mitchell Schultz. I couldn't believe he was a Mormon. He was a skater. Skaters aren't Mormon? At least the lifestyle of a skater isn't gospel doctrine. Anyway, Mitchell, 6 Years younger than me, came into my life like a knight in shining armor and lifted me out of my little pit of Hell. Instantly, I noticed something different about his spirit. He said he was Mormon. Gasp! No you're not. "Yes, I am." "No. Hahah... You're not." ... "I am." He got my number and text me. He gave me rides, and didn't ask for gas money. He even opened my door?!
I was in a relationship with a bitter divorcee who had a secret obsession with redheads. When I met Mitchell, it gave me all the motivation I needed to get out of that bad relationships and put my heart somewhere God. Mitchell and his family introduced
and who's hand pulled me out of a pit. He saw me for what I could become and gag right now he saved me! He literally saved me. I cannot describe the transformation in my life in any other way.
His belief is God was an excellent example. Charity never faileth. He put others first. His parents were divorced and yet the family had an amazing relationship.
Our mission and purpose in life is to connect with God again.
Whatever you believe God is, God is in you.
Your body is a temple, very sacred.
Cultivate your source of light
Reconnect to innocence